I think I'd be alright. Wouldn't be the first time I've had a useless commander, I'll tell you stories about Heideggar sometime.
[Nobody minded when SOLDIER was handled by Lazard instead.]
... But seriously, Shaw. It might be a while otherwise, it's not running out if they're encouraging you to go. I won't keep pushing if you insist, I just don't want you thinking you have to do anything.
Good answer; you know your own life and everything, but it's still easier to talk about specifics when you know how the file describes stuff. Come to my place; I'm in cabin one-oh-seven.
[There are of course things he wasn't certain he wanted played back and others knowing, but what harm could it do? The Admiral had neatly seen to making certain he couldn't harm anyone here, and that was surely enough.
It takes him a bit to get there, apparently he's picky about the snacks, but eventually! A knock. And Angeal, with a plate full of crackers, cheese, pepperonis and apple bits.]
[Shaw deadpans, when she pulls open the door and sees the spread.]
Will Graham, eat your heart out. Come on in.
[She steps back to let him into the cabin: a small, single-room space with a kitchenette area, a little round table, a TV nook with a couch and a big dog bed, and a curtained sleeping loft. There's clearly been a good attempt at making it seem as homey as possible, with cozy furniture and funky decor (far more funky than Shaw's usual vibes), but underneath that, it's very industrial; the walls are cinderblock, and what flooring isn't covered by area rugs is bare cement.
[It's not going to be the only time he brings things, if she's not careful. Angeal has learned since childhood how important good food is .. and how often people neglect it. This is just snacks. It'll escalate.
Spotting a dog bed means looking for other signs of a dog, including an actual dog, but when one doesn't instantly turn up, it's ..almost disappointing. He likes dogs.]
If you give me a cheat sheet on what you like I can bring something nicer next time. Most people don't reject pepperoni and cheese though. Seemed a good bet.
[And there's the file. It looks innocent enough, even in a cabin that has a decorated cell vibe more than a home vibe. Was this what she was most comfortable with? The plate of snacks is set on the table by the file, he doesn't go for it yet.]
[She says, popping a square of cheese into her mouth and dropping down into one of the chairs.]
Not much that can be answered by a Q&A, though. So why don't you read it through and let me know what you think.
[He knows his own life story, obviously: she's not imagining that anything in the file will be a surprise to him. But she's interested in seeing his reaction to it: to its phrasing, to its straightforward delivery, to the way particular events are described and interpreted.]
[Personnel files are nothing new to him, he's had them, he's reviewed them.
This one's not by Shinra though, and after a moment he shrugs slightly and picks it up, settling carefully on one of the other chairs. And it's true. None of it's a surprise. But some of it is still hard to get through; none of it was really that long ago to him, and there's quickly a point where something like sad pensiveness settles in and then never leaves.
An impeccable record, if the bioengineering were left out, and if anyone ignored the last year. He could have been proud of it, once. Now?
The towering SOLDIER seems somehow diminished in his seat when he sets the file back down, voice subdued when he finally manages to say anything.]
Seems accurate. Mom and dad deserved better than being a footnote.
Mom.. wasn't really that long ago to me. Never really had time to come to terms with it.
[And while it obscures part of the reason of his unhappiness, that too is true. Losing a parent is hard to most people but the Hewleys had always been a small, tight knit family.]
There's a lot of things to regret. Don't think I can make any of it right anymore, most of the people are apparently long dead.
[But not all. Zack's here, but Zack is more willing to deal with him than he is Zack, that's just too much guilt.]
[Shaw says this around a piece of pepperoni, but then stops, realizing that she probably shouldn't try to discuss Angeal's woes with her mouth full of deli meat. She finishes chewing, swallows, and then continues like a normal person.]
Yeah, you can't make stuff right with dead people, and that sucks. But here's a thing I noticed about what you just said: you can't make any of it right, because most of the people involved are dead. That sound rightheaded to you?
If you have ideas for how to make it right, really right and not just lip service, please tell me how I make up for my best friend's mental degradation and forcing my protégé to kill me?
[There should be bitter sarcasm or anger or something there, but there isn't.]
I can apologize, and Zack would likely accept it, but that wouldn't make it real.
Words are just words, saying it doesn't make it real.
[Even this, as uncomfortable as it is, is a convenient diversion, though he doesn't know it. This is, surely, the problem.]
Zack .. no. Not in so many words. He's been through enough, I don't want him feeling responsible for me too, and ... Sephiroth doesn't remember who I am.
[There's a bitter finality to that last, in voice and bearing. He can't make things right with someone who didn't even know who he was, never mind what he did.]
[She mutters it under her breath, mostly to herself; she can't exactly tell him to break the news to Sephiroth without potentially causing fallout there, which means she needs to talk to Yunlan. Warden-warden politics: her least favorite thing.
Oh, well. At least Yunlan's not annoying.]
Saying it doesn't make what real? Lay it out - what specific thing do you think talking about it should do, but that you know that it won't?
If I pick up a knife and stab you and then immediately apologize, it's not going to do much good is it? It's just words. If I meant it I wouldn't have stabbed you to begin with.
[Angeal, at least, doesn't seem to be the sort of inmate who feels the need to demonstrate this.]
Got it. Okay. Yeah, this is too big and complicated for apologies.
[She leans back in her chair, a thoughtful frown creasing her face a she crosses her arms over her abdomen.]
Tell you what. How about we leave the Sephiroth issue alone for now - though I'm gonna want to talk to his warden about it, and I want you to come along for at least one of those talks. But you should talk to Zack about it. Not an apology, a talk.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
weartearrust) wrote2024-07-10 05:31 am
audio; post-pairings
[It's dry, but it's her baseline level of dry, rather than anything that hints at actual annoyance or displeasure.]
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[This is.. perfectly fine to him, post announcement.]
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[She pauses.]
I don't run out on people. And anyway, I like you. Can't risk leaving and you getting assigned to some do-nothing asshole.
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[Nobody minded when SOLDIER was handled by Lazard instead.]
... But seriously, Shaw. It might be a while otherwise, it's not running out if they're encouraging you to go. I won't keep pushing if you insist, I just don't want you thinking you have to do anything.
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[She might complain - sometimes loudly - but if she does something, it's because she's decided it's worth doing, for some reason or another.]
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[And he means it, too, there's nothing of sarcasm in his voice. People deserved good things in their life, and this ship might not necessarily be it.
He'd find his way sooner or later.]
So what changes, between temp and permanent?
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[There are of course things he wasn't certain he wanted played back and others knowing, but what harm could it do? The Admiral had neatly seen to making certain he couldn't harm anyone here, and that was surely enough.
It takes him a bit to get there, apparently he's picky about the snacks, but eventually! A knock. And Angeal, with a plate full of crackers, cheese, pepperonis and apple bits.]
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[Shaw deadpans, when she pulls open the door and sees the spread.]
Will Graham, eat your heart out. Come on in.
[She steps back to let him into the cabin: a small, single-room space with a kitchenette area, a little round table, a TV nook with a couch and a big dog bed, and a curtained sleeping loft. There's clearly been a good attempt at making it seem as homey as possible, with cozy furniture and funky decor (far more funky than Shaw's usual vibes), but underneath that, it's very industrial; the walls are cinderblock, and what flooring isn't covered by area rugs is bare cement.
The file is sitting open on the table.]
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[It's not going to be the only time he brings things, if she's not careful. Angeal has learned since childhood how important good food is .. and how often people neglect it. This is just snacks. It'll escalate.
Spotting a dog bed means looking for other signs of a dog, including an actual dog, but when one doesn't instantly turn up, it's ..almost disappointing. He likes dogs.]
If you give me a cheat sheet on what you like I can bring something nicer next time. Most people don't reject pepperoni and cheese though. Seemed a good bet.
[And there's the file. It looks innocent enough, even in a cabin that has a decorated cell vibe more than a home vibe. Was this what she was most comfortable with? The plate of snacks is set on the table by the file, he doesn't go for it yet.]
Find anything you've got questions about?
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[She says, popping a square of cheese into her mouth and dropping down into one of the chairs.]
Not much that can be answered by a Q&A, though. So why don't you read it through and let me know what you think.
[He knows his own life story, obviously: she's not imagining that anything in the file will be a surprise to him. But she's interested in seeing his reaction to it: to its phrasing, to its straightforward delivery, to the way particular events are described and interpreted.]
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This one's not by Shinra though, and after a moment he shrugs slightly and picks it up, settling carefully on one of the other chairs. And it's true. None of it's a surprise. But some of it is still hard to get through; none of it was really that long ago to him, and there's quickly a point where something like sad pensiveness settles in and then never leaves.
An impeccable record, if the bioengineering were left out, and if anyone ignored the last year. He could have been proud of it, once. Now?
The towering SOLDIER seems somehow diminished in his seat when he sets the file back down, voice subdued when he finally manages to say anything.]
Seems accurate. Mom and dad deserved better than being a footnote.
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[It's said with her typical subdued, blunt affect: not unsympathetic, not harsh or irritated or disappointed, but not exactly sympathetic, either.]
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[And while it obscures part of the reason of his unhappiness, that too is true. Losing a parent is hard to most people but the Hewleys had always been a small, tight knit family.]
There's a lot of things to regret. Don't think I can make any of it right anymore, most of the people are apparently long dead.
[But not all. Zack's here, but Zack is more willing to deal with him than he is Zack, that's just too much guilt.]
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[Shaw says this around a piece of pepperoni, but then stops, realizing that she probably shouldn't try to discuss Angeal's woes with her mouth full of deli meat. She finishes chewing, swallows, and then continues like a normal person.]
Yeah, you can't make stuff right with dead people, and that sucks. But here's a thing I noticed about what you just said: you can't make any of it right, because most of the people involved are dead. That sound rightheaded to you?
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If you have ideas for how to make it right, really right and not just lip service, please tell me how I make up for my best friend's mental degradation and forcing my protégé to kill me?
[There should be bitter sarcasm or anger or something there, but there isn't.]
I can apologize, and Zack would likely accept it, but that wouldn't make it real.
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[She wraps a piece of cheese in a pepperoni slice, downing it before continuing.]
What counts as "real" here, and how much have you, Zack, and Sephiroth talked about this? Either together or separately.
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[Even this, as uncomfortable as it is, is a convenient diversion, though he doesn't know it. This is, surely, the problem.]
Zack .. no. Not in so many words. He's been through enough, I don't want him feeling responsible for me too, and ... Sephiroth doesn't remember who I am.
[There's a bitter finality to that last, in voice and bearing. He can't make things right with someone who didn't even know who he was, never mind what he did.]
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[She mutters it under her breath, mostly to herself; she can't exactly tell him to break the news to Sephiroth without potentially causing fallout there, which means she needs to talk to Yunlan. Warden-warden politics: her least favorite thing.
Oh, well. At least Yunlan's not annoying.]
Saying it doesn't make what real? Lay it out - what specific thing do you think talking about it should do, but that you know that it won't?
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If I pick up a knife and stab you and then immediately apologize, it's not going to do much good is it? It's just words. If I meant it I wouldn't have stabbed you to begin with.
[Angeal, at least, doesn't seem to be the sort of inmate who feels the need to demonstrate this.]
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[She leans back in her chair, a thoughtful frown creasing her face a she crosses her arms over her abdomen.]
Tell you what. How about we leave the Sephiroth issue alone for now - though I'm gonna want to talk to his warden about it, and I want you to come along for at least one of those talks. But you should talk to Zack about it. Not an apology, a talk.
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