"Not inmates' privacy, anyway," Cloud grumbles. It's a complaint he's had before. But he knows what Angeal really means, so he nods. "Or anybody's, when weird shit starts happening."
He goes quiet, thinking through everything Angeal's said. Was it a mistake for Cloud to remember who he'd been before? Hard to say. The situations aren't quite the same, of course, but they're similar enough that he's starting to think maybe this is the right time to tell Angeal the truth about himself, after all. Who knows, maybe it would help.
Who we are is in a lot of ways dictated by our memories. It shapes what we do, how we feel. Hoo boy, does Cloud know that.
"The question of Sephiroth's memories...what you're saying. I get it. Better than you think." He sits up straight again and pulls his feet up onto the cushion, wrapping his arms loosely around his knees. "I told you the story of what happened to me and Zack, back then, and what Sephiroth did in Nibelheim. But...there was more to it. You saw a piece of it, that...nightmare. Think this might be the time to tell you the rest, if you're up for it."
This is weighed quietly - in the context of their discussion, it could be seen as pressure. Secrets being taken or shared, when otherwise they might not. "No, it's up to you not me. You don't owe anyone your story, least of all me."
Willing is one thing. Feeling obligated is another.
"I know. But I've been wanting to tell you ever since you got here, and I just...didn't. That sword, the one Zack gave me that day, it was yours first. And you're the one who taught Zack about embracing his dreams, and he changed my life with that philosophy. So you deserve to know the rest of the story. And...maybe I need to tell you for myself, too."
Not something that would have occurred to Cloud a year ago, or even when he first arrived on the Barge.
"And...I'm sorry, that I acted like you owed me anything. You're right - if Zack wanted to share it with me, he would have."
"Hm. On that note, I do owe you, but in a different way. From what I hear you're the one left to clean up all my messes." And he did, though perhaps in a different timeline.Which means he was capable, and he would and could do it again.
Except maybe this time it won't be necessary. The world doesn't have to come to the brink of ruin if Cloud and Sephiroth are both on the same page.
He doesn't refute the repetition; surely if Zack wanted it discussed he'd have discussed it. He didn't, therefore it was the way it was wanted. "... If you think it'll help you, then be my guest. We're all in this together."
"Yup." Which may sound callous, but then-- "But they weren't your messes. They were Shinra's. And Rufus already knows he owes me and the world, big time."
Cloud nods - they're all in this together. It's something he'd learned, and then something he forgot. But the Barge makes it a little easier to remember.
"Told you about the lab and the mako poisoning. How Zack passed everything on to me. But I was so messed up from the mako and Jenova that my mind was hanging by a thread. Wasn't until I ran into my friend Tifa in Midgar that I woke up for real. She kept asking me all these questions about where I'd been and what I'd been doing, and I couldn't remember. If I had, I think...I probably would've broken for good, remembering Zack's death and everything. So my subconscious and the Jenova cells rattling around in there protected me from those memories, and...filled in the gaps with Zack's instead. He told me I'd be his living legacy, and I was. In all the wrong ways."
He picks up his glass and finishes it all at once. His tone is a shade harder now, a shade more disgusted. "I forgot Zack ever existed. Remembered his life as a SOLDIER as my own, so I could play hero. Erased him just as much as Shinra's coverups did. He was my only friend, he died to protect me, and I just...forgot him."
Cloud has to pause here. There's more, of course - the part that's most relevant to the conversation they were having about Sephiroth - but this, this is the crux of what Cloud wanted Angeal to know. He couldn't let Zack's mentor keep thinking he was a real protege, when all he really was was a delusional wannabe.
For someone admitting they forgot Angeal's protege and all but stole his identity, there seems to be little disgust or anger in Angeal's own reactions. He listens, and pieces it against what he knows.
Of himself, of what he did to his own copies. Genesis, and his own. What happened to those involved in the project, and what he'd been able to piece together afterward.
After a long moment of quiet, where Cloud has time to ruminate on his own perceived sins, Angeal frowns faintly. "Cloud, I want to ask a question that might be uncomfortable. It's related to this."
There's a pattern here. "..Are you sure you're Sephiroth's copy, or is that just what you were told? I don't mean simply possessing Jenova cells and following the S-type protocols, that's a good quarter of SOLDIER."
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timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2025-01-05 06:00 am (UTC)He goes quiet, thinking through everything Angeal's said. Was it a mistake for Cloud to remember who he'd been before? Hard to say. The situations aren't quite the same, of course, but they're similar enough that he's starting to think maybe this is the right time to tell Angeal the truth about himself, after all. Who knows, maybe it would help.
Who we are is in a lot of ways dictated by our memories. It shapes what we do, how we feel. Hoo boy, does Cloud know that.
"The question of Sephiroth's memories...what you're saying. I get it. Better than you think." He sits up straight again and pulls his feet up onto the cushion, wrapping his arms loosely around his knees. "I told you the story of what happened to me and Zack, back then, and what Sephiroth did in Nibelheim. But...there was more to it. You saw a piece of it, that...nightmare. Think this might be the time to tell you the rest, if you're up for it."
a tiny tag cuz it got lost
Date: 2025-01-10 10:05 pm (UTC)Willing is one thing. Feeling obligated is another.
all good!
Date: 2025-01-10 10:31 pm (UTC)Not something that would have occurred to Cloud a year ago, or even when he first arrived on the Barge.
"And...I'm sorry, that I acted like you owed me anything. You're right - if Zack wanted to share it with me, he would have."
We're friends, right?
no subject
Date: 2025-01-10 10:48 pm (UTC)Except maybe this time it won't be necessary. The world doesn't have to come to the brink of ruin if Cloud and Sephiroth are both on the same page.
He doesn't refute the repetition; surely if Zack wanted it discussed he'd have discussed it. He didn't, therefore it was the way it was wanted. "... If you think it'll help you, then be my guest. We're all in this together."
no subject
Date: 2025-01-10 11:23 pm (UTC)Cloud nods - they're all in this together. It's something he'd learned, and then something he forgot. But the Barge makes it a little easier to remember.
"Told you about the lab and the mako poisoning. How Zack passed everything on to me. But I was so messed up from the mako and Jenova that my mind was hanging by a thread. Wasn't until I ran into my friend Tifa in Midgar that I woke up for real. She kept asking me all these questions about where I'd been and what I'd been doing, and I couldn't remember. If I had, I think...I probably would've broken for good, remembering Zack's death and everything. So my subconscious and the Jenova cells rattling around in there protected me from those memories, and...filled in the gaps with Zack's instead. He told me I'd be his living legacy, and I was. In all the wrong ways."
He picks up his glass and finishes it all at once. His tone is a shade harder now, a shade more disgusted. "I forgot Zack ever existed. Remembered his life as a SOLDIER as my own, so I could play hero. Erased him just as much as Shinra's coverups did. He was my only friend, he died to protect me, and I just...forgot him."
Cloud has to pause here. There's more, of course - the part that's most relevant to the conversation they were having about Sephiroth - but this, this is the crux of what Cloud wanted Angeal to know. He couldn't let Zack's mentor keep thinking he was a real protege, when all he really was was a delusional wannabe.
no subject
Date: 2025-01-17 08:12 pm (UTC)Of himself, of what he did to his own copies. Genesis, and his own. What happened to those involved in the project, and what he'd been able to piece together afterward.
After a long moment of quiet, where Cloud has time to ruminate on his own perceived sins, Angeal frowns faintly. "Cloud, I want to ask a question that might be uncomfortable. It's related to this."
There's a pattern here. "..Are you sure you're Sephiroth's copy, or is that just what you were told? I don't mean simply possessing Jenova cells and following the S-type protocols, that's a good quarter of SOLDIER."
dammit, this got lost in the deluge of breach stuff, sorry!
Date: 2025-02-04 08:18 am (UTC)He shrugs. "Shoot."
At the question, he glances up at Angeal, lifting a brow. "I'm not his copy. I'm..." A pause, as he considers how to explain.
"Ever heard of the Reunion?"