Hey, Angeal, you seen Zack lately? Tried calling him a few times but he hasn't picked up, and he didn't walk Zeke at the time he usually does. Kinda worried.
[Silence; this isn't something easy to find a neutral way to put. Sending people to bother Zack while Zack obviously didn't want to be bothered wasn't a good idea.]
Disagreements. Nothing you need to worry about.
[And it is very, very deliberately that he changes the subject.]
Speaking of, you came up; how's things going with Sephiroth? Is he treating you nicer? Making dinner maybe?
[Cloud hangs up. But this is far from over. This is really not normal behavior for Zack. The only time Cloud can remember this kind of thing happening is...well, after Angeal died. Hmm.]
--
In a few minutes, Angeal's getting a knock on his cabin door.
It doesn't take Angeal long to get to the door; he's not struck out yet to start a baking marathon by harassing Archer into unlocking the kitchens at unholy hours of the night, but it's ... pending.
When it swings open, the cabin beyond is ... outright rustic. Might even be a bit nostalgic for Nibelheim save Banoran architecture had its own flavor of peasant. But there's no pets to take up comfortable corners, no-one else but the SOLDIER, who studies Cloud for a long blank moment before gesturing for the blond to enter. "None of this is a game. It never was."
The door is left open as he heads back inside to his stack of stolen borrowed magazines. He hadn't been able to focus on any of them, but he can try. "Not sure why you kids always think everything not right what you want when you want it is a 'game'."
Cloud's only two years younger than he is. Maybe three.
Cloud just waits, arms folded, until Angeal lets him in.
"I'm not stupid and neither are you. You know exactly what I meant. And I'm 24." Technically 23 when he died, but he's had a birthday on board the Barge, so he's counting it.
He closes and locks the door behind him as he follows Angeal inside. "What happened with Zack?"
"I told you already." The glance Cloud is given looks a bit puzzled. "Do you think if you ask twice the answer's going to change?" Kids these days. Of course Cloud would expect the answer to change. He points to one of the battered bits of furniture. "Have a seat. Do you drink mead?"
Why Angeal's heading for a closet is by context, to fetch mead. But what is it doing in his closet? "I don't know how things are done in the future, Cloud, but in my time you don't spill another SOLDIER's guts when they're very obviously not interested in talking. You respect the distance they're asking for."
"You told me jack shit." For what it's worth, Cloud doesn't look angry - or at least, not any angrier than his normal resting sad bitch face. "Except 'not to worry about it,' but it's too late for that."
His natural response is that he's fine standing, but he sighs quietly and takes a seat wherever Angeal indicates is best. It gives him a moment to look around with some curiosity at the ways Banoran houses both are and aren't reminiscent of his own childhood home. As for the mead-- "Sure."
It's closet mead, apparently. Maybe he's hiding it because he stole it from somewhere?
"That's not--mm. I didn't even know whether he was asking for that or not, he just... I wanted to make sure he was okay. And that he didn't...disappear."
Cloud's not sure what he would do if Zack just vanished off the Barge like Nico and Alan did.
He's hiding it because he's making it! There's .. a lot of percolating jugs in there, just frothing in their own juices. No fancy machinery, just closet moonshine made of bee products. Inmates probably aren't supposed to have unfettered access to alcohol, but he IS getting the help of at least one Warden, so probably it's fine.
Only one is apparently worthy of being selected. "Far as I know he's still onboard. He says he's not leaving until Sephiroth graduates, seems reasonable he's going to do his best to hold to that. The Admiral's got a good Warden in him, and isn't going to cut him loose out of nowhere." He doesn't even have nice glasses to use, Cloud's handed what looks suspiciously like a glass canning jar, once it's filled with closet mead.
It should taste fine. A little bit fruity, one of the ongoing experiments is what tastes best when added in. "Zack's tough, and he knows to turn to his friends when he can't handle things. That he hasn't asked for you or returned calls just means he thinks he's doing alright on his own." Was that actually true these days? ... Maybe not, but he liked to think so.
When Angeal opens the closet door, Cloud sits up straighter to peer inside. "Nice setup. Did you build that yourself?" It is kind of funny to think about the most honorable SOLDIER brewing moonshine in his closet, but he was never all that clear on what 'honor' was really supposed to mean in the first place.
He takes the jar with no judgment, sniffs at the mead for a moment, and then takes a sip and nods appreciatively. He thinks Tifa would approve, and he thinks Tifa would have suggestions for how to make it better, too.
...he misses her. But it's best that he doesn't see her again until after he's graduated and made himself better.
He frowns and looks up. "Nico was a good warden too, and he didn't want to leave, but one day he was just...gone. Yunlan says it just happens, sometimes, and nobody knows why. Not even the Admiral." Of course, that's assuming the Admiral isn't lying about it, but whatever.
Cloud's pretty sure there's something off about what Angeal's saying, but he can't quite pinpoint what it is.
"Doesn't explain why he's that upset in the first place. Look, I'm not asking for every detail, but he's been upset before and it wasn't like this. He's never been a private person except when shit was really bad, or classified. And nothing's classified anymore here. If you don't want me hunting him down to ask him, then at least tell me something."
"D'vana Tendi's been assisting on the technical aspects." When you have a Warden helping that's tacit approval as far as he's concerned. "As long as it's kept temperature controlled and dark, it seems to work alright." And tastes fine!
And if it works its way into the Barge's other alcohol stashes, that's not Angeal's business.
Angeal is pretty sure the Admiral directly causes who leaves and stays, given the invitation he got, but he doesn't say so. "Maybe. But Zack's still here." That's an assumption but one he can reasonably make. Surely someone would have noticed. Would his comm have simply stopped working? Would his room have reverted, leaving his dog to wander lost through the halls?
With his own cup in hand, Angeal sits on a different careworn bit of furniture; it's not the most comfortable ever, but it's old and it's familiar. It could have been in his home growing up. And now it was only a reminder of the family he'd lost. He swirls the drink in his glass a little, frowning. "We don't see eye to eye on a few subjects, the most recent one being Sephiroth." It's true, at least. "Zack felt I should be more concerned about myself than my friends, even ... if they don't remember me. The last time I did that it ended in violence. I don't intend to walk the same path twice."
"Heh. Course she has." The woman who gave him a bottle of Romulan ale for the holidays? Yeah, he believes it.
Cloud lets out a quiet breath. If Angeal says Zack is still here, then he probably is. One less thing to worry about, at least.
He sips at his mead while Angeal talks, but he pauses when Sephiroth comes up. His brow furrows at the rest. Even if they don't remember me. When Cloud had finally remembered Zack, he'd felt awful about having forgotten him. ...a story he has yet to tell Angeal despite his intentions, he recalls, but now is definitely not the time.
"Well...Zack's a warden. Yunlan and my wardens have said the same thing, about focusing on myself instead of others. But that's impossible. Can't just sit around navel gazing when someone you care about's having trouble." He thinks for a moment. "Last time...when you left Shinra, you mean? But wasn't that for Genesis? ...is something wrong with Sephiroth? He seemed fine this morning."
"He's the same as he was last week." Angeal does not consider that being okay, but it was ... stable. "Healthy enough by all accounts, just ... not the same man I've known half my life. Doesn't stop me from worrying though." That's an easy admittance to make, Angeal worried constantly about everyone, probably where all the wrinkles came from, if he wasn't simply aging abnormally fast. "..There do seem to be certain themes from Wardens." It's all the same job.
Cloud was on that list of people to worry about, whether he wanted to be or not. "While I left for Genesis it was also my hope to bring him back. I didn't intend to stay AWOL for long. And then ... things got out of hand. Although every SOLDIER is equal to a platoon of normal troops, we work best in groups. And Sephiroth, Genesis and I .. there wasn't much we couldn't accomplish together." Sure they were sent on separate missions all the time, but unified? "But we let our focus on ourselves blind us. And we went our separate ways, and we died. One by one."
He drains his glass in one long swig before setting it on the old wood magazine table. "I already know what focusing on myself gets."
Cloud glances down. This must be how Tifa felt. He was a totally different person when she found him in Midgar. She was worried constantly.
His eyes stay lowered and even move away slightly. Yeah, Sephiroth died. Cloud killed him. So that's...awkward.
He looks up again at the sound of Angeal putting down his glass. "Yeah, but you and Genesis were dealing with degradation then. You're not anymore here, so focusing on yourself at least enough to graduate shouldn't lead to anything too bad. Plus, you got a warden and a bunch of friends watching your back."
He sips his mead thoughtfully. "I don't get it. If there's nothing going on with Sephiroth, what did Zack disagree with you about?"
"And if my warden decides to do what plenty of others do for their inmates and grants me my full strength back? It's just a matter of how long it takes this time and how many I take down with me, then." It's in his file, but how much would that ACTUALLY affect someone's decisions? "I can't afford to sit back and assume everything will work out."
Regardless of the fact that it was a fantastic way to dodge his own problems by focusing on others. Like Zack's disagreement. "...What to do going forward, mostly." That's a paraphrase and a half. It seemed Cloud and Sephiroth were well on their way to mending whatever animosity had been there after Nibelheim, it's just another thing too precious to risk destroying. "Shaw's taking the standard track of suggesting apologizing for wrongdoings as an early step, but of the two onboard I'd owe that, Sephiroth doesn't remember any of it. And forcing him to simply to say I'm sorry would be..." Pointlessly vicious. "Too high a cost."
"...how long and how many did it take the first time?" Cloud asks quietly. "Zack never talked about what happened in Modeoheim. I was there, but Tseng and I got injured, so Zack went on by himself. And then when he came back...he didn't say a word. I'd never seen him like that. Then I didn't see him at all for a while, not until he came back on duty to rally the rookies. I never got up the courage to ask him." And this, Angeal, is why he's so worried about Zack now.
Cloud takes in the explanation about Sephiroth, deep in thought. "Nobody can force him to. He's the only one who should get to decide whether he remembers everything or not. Not even Yunlan should be making a call like that. But...sounds like Zack thinks he should. Still doesn't explain why that was so upsetting for him, though."
Then, a pause. "Of the two onboard. Is Zack the other one?"
Angeal considers this for a long moment. "I think you're chasing the wrong chocobo, Cloud. Based on what I've observed on the network, nothing about our disagreement was worse than any other he's had with others before, so it probably wasn't that at all. Sometimes things are just... bad timing." It's not just an excuse, he doesn't see the connection between hibernating against the world and their argument. It wasn't that bad. So it had to be other things, or other associations.
Why DID Zack retreat to silence and ignoring calls? It wasn't something as minor as that. He's surely faced people who've disagreed with him before, or outright fought with him before. "But I agree. It's Sephiroth's choice, and he doesn't want to." Torturing the good man he used to be wouldn't in any way be helpful.
So Angeal wasn't going to force it.
"As for the rest, it took a few months and cost two thirds of SOLDIER between Genesis and I." He studies Cloud, wondering how things would have gone for him if he'd tried to join at the RIGHT age and not much too early. "If he never told you about any of it, either back then or before I arrived here, that seems to be a pretty deliberate choice." Zack said nothing, even before worrying about Angeal hearing about it was an issue. "The things that happened there were not pleasant. I'm not sure I'm alright with you being able to spring it on him when he's made it clear he doesn't want you to know."
"Hm." Bad timing...it's true that Zack's had plenty of arguments with plenty of people and never reacted like this before. Angeal isn't just anyone, but...if he doesn't know, he doesn't know.
Cloud nods to Angeal's agreement, but then he pauses. "I think...it's less that he doesn't want to, and more that he doesn't know whether he wants to or not. I get it. When you're not sure who you are, it's hard to know what to want." He speaks with confidence, as if he knows from experience. "But - you said I came up in that argument. How?"
He gives Angeal a hard look. "Why the hell would I ever do that to Zack? And who'd go out of their way to talk about something like that to anybody? You seriously think I'd ask about the worst shit he went through when I finally get to see him again after all that time thinking I never would?" Cloud shakes his head and stares into his half-finished glass of mead. "I'm just...trying to understand. I wanna help him. I tried, back then, but I couldn't. Couldn't...keep up. And all that shit was way above my pay grade, and by the time I learned anything it was too late. We were already in Nibelheim and Sephiroth was already holed up in the basement, Zack was already at the end of his rope, and there was nothing I could do."
"He had a recording of his explanation to someone else of Nibelheim's entire chain of events, and played it for me. Needless to say Sephiroth and what happened to him was ... on topic." And brought into focus that things might not have gone that way if he'd still been around. Surely he would have been if Genesis had still been alive at that point. What his mental state would have been was.. very debatable, but alive. "He was my friend. He was for years. It's ... it might be like finding out after you wake up that Zack had gone on a rampage and killed a town full of people for no reason. It doesn't line up with what you know, and what you know is he'd never do any such thing. Not who he was. And who he is now.."
Sephiroth's not just an echo of someone gone. "Who he is now is making his own life. His own friends. His own dreams."
Without the past. Maybe the past wasn't necessary. "Not long after we first met there was an effect here that dredged up our fears, without our interest in having them displayed." Something in Angeal's bearing shifts, from concerned towards stern. "Do you think you'd have to go out of your way to gossip for ANYTHING to get around? That aside, do I think you're the kind of man who'd see a friend in distress and then try to talk to them about it?" Yep.
He spreads his hands at his sides, expression grim. "You're here aren't you? Specifically because you're concerned about Zack? Do you believe you'd still be here if he picked up your calls, or would you have gone there instead?"
Cloud's eyes stay on his glass even as he puts it down so he can lean forward, resting his elbows on his knees. "...yeah. I barely knew him, obviously, but even though I was just some random trooper, he was...kind to me. And you're right - the guy he is now isn't that guy. He's not the guy who tried to destroy humanity, either. We've both been trying to figure out who we are now...think we're doing okay so far."
That stern tone in Angeal's voice makes Cloud's face fall, making him look even younger than he is for a moment. "Course I'd try to talk to him, if I could. But I wouldn't bring up anything he didn't bring up first."
There's something reluctant in his tone when Angeal continues, though his expression is reasonably steady. The worry-lines seem a little deeper, but that might just be the light. "And because of that, because he's finding .. a new place for himself, making bonds, forming friendships, I don't want to destroy it by forcing him to remember who he used to be. Who we are is in a lot of ways dictated by our memories. It shapes what we do, how we feel. If he remembered, he might become who he is again, save now he'll know he's responsible for the deaths of perhaps tens of thousands of innocents, and who he is this very moment may die." He makes a small helpless gesture. "I don't wish the man he was to be punished for who he's become, and who he's become deserves a chance to find a life for himself. My friend is dead. Your friend shouldn't have to die too."
Remembering would take it all away, in one direction or another. He makes it sound reasonable. It isn't his problem, he's nobody's warden, he has no say in any of it.. but as a friend, he didn't want Sephiroth to suffer more. Let the crimes sit on the shoulders of the one who made them.
Maybe Wardens had a different perspective. Maybe they had to, because of their jobs. "..Of course you would. That's what you do, when you know a friend is upset."
But the problem goes back further than one argument over Sephiroth's fate. "But this ship doesn't seem much like it's interested in respecting people's privacy, from what I can tell."
"Not inmates' privacy, anyway," Cloud grumbles. It's a complaint he's had before. But he knows what Angeal really means, so he nods. "Or anybody's, when weird shit starts happening."
He goes quiet, thinking through everything Angeal's said. Was it a mistake for Cloud to remember who he'd been before? Hard to say. The situations aren't quite the same, of course, but they're similar enough that he's starting to think maybe this is the right time to tell Angeal the truth about himself, after all. Who knows, maybe it would help.
Who we are is in a lot of ways dictated by our memories. It shapes what we do, how we feel. Hoo boy, does Cloud know that.
"The question of Sephiroth's memories...what you're saying. I get it. Better than you think." He sits up straight again and pulls his feet up onto the cushion, wrapping his arms loosely around his knees. "I told you the story of what happened to me and Zack, back then, and what Sephiroth did in Nibelheim. But...there was more to it. You saw a piece of it, that...nightmare. Think this might be the time to tell you the rest, if you're up for it."
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timeasmymeasure
[audio]
Date: 2024-12-31 12:07 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2024-12-31 12:14 am (UTC)[Angeal sounds unruffled, so whatever it was can't be a big deal! right??
But there's a reason he's not going to turn on the video, and is glad it's only audio.]
He may just need time to unwind a little. Send a message in the morning perhaps.
no subject
Date: 2024-12-31 12:17 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2024-12-31 12:22 am (UTC)Disagreements. Nothing you need to worry about.
[And it is very, very deliberately that he changes the subject.]
Speaking of, you came up; how's things going with Sephiroth? Is he treating you nicer? Making dinner maybe?
no subject
Date: 2024-12-31 12:29 am (UTC)[And then Angeal veers wildly away from the subject, and Cloud gives his communicator a suspicious look. His tone is dry.]
I came up in a disagreement and you really think asking about my...social life's gonna stop me from asking more questions?
no subject
Date: 2024-12-31 12:31 am (UTC)[He sounds amused.
He isn't.]
-> action
Date: 2024-12-31 12:37 am (UTC)[Cloud hangs up. But this is far from over. This is really not normal behavior for Zack. The only time Cloud can remember this kind of thing happening is...well, after Angeal died. Hmm.]
--
In a few minutes, Angeal's getting a knock on his cabin door.
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Date: 2024-12-31 12:44 am (UTC)When it swings open, the cabin beyond is ... outright rustic. Might even be a bit nostalgic for Nibelheim save Banoran architecture had its own flavor of peasant. But there's no pets to take up comfortable corners, no-one else but the SOLDIER, who studies Cloud for a long blank moment before gesturing for the blond to enter. "None of this is a game. It never was."
The door is left open as he heads back inside to his stack of
stolenborrowed magazines. He hadn't been able to focus on any of them, but he can try. "Not sure why you kids always think everything not right what you want when you want it is a 'game'."Cloud's only two years younger than he is. Maybe three.
no subject
Date: 2024-12-31 12:50 am (UTC)"I'm not stupid and neither are you. You know exactly what I meant. And I'm 24." Technically 23 when he died, but he's had a birthday on board the Barge, so he's counting it.
He closes and locks the door behind him as he follows Angeal inside. "What happened with Zack?"
no subject
Date: 2024-12-31 12:56 am (UTC)Why Angeal's heading for a closet is by context, to fetch mead. But what is it doing in his closet? "I don't know how things are done in the future, Cloud, but in my time you don't spill another SOLDIER's guts when they're very obviously not interested in talking. You respect the distance they're asking for."
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Date: 2024-12-31 01:13 am (UTC)His natural response is that he's fine standing, but he sighs quietly and takes a seat wherever Angeal indicates is best. It gives him a moment to look around with some curiosity at the ways Banoran houses both are and aren't reminiscent of his own childhood home. As for the mead-- "Sure."
It's closet mead, apparently. Maybe he's hiding it because he stole it from somewhere?
"That's not--mm. I didn't even know whether he was asking for that or not, he just... I wanted to make sure he was okay. And that he didn't...disappear."
Cloud's not sure what he would do if Zack just vanished off the Barge like Nico and Alan did.
no subject
Date: 2024-12-31 01:20 am (UTC)Only one is apparently worthy of being selected. "Far as I know he's still onboard. He says he's not leaving until Sephiroth graduates, seems reasonable he's going to do his best to hold to that. The Admiral's got a good Warden in him, and isn't going to cut him loose out of nowhere." He doesn't even have nice glasses to use, Cloud's handed what looks suspiciously like a glass canning jar, once it's filled with closet mead.
It should taste fine. A little bit fruity, one of the ongoing experiments is what tastes best when added in. "Zack's tough, and he knows to turn to his friends when he can't handle things. That he hasn't asked for you or returned calls just means he thinks he's doing alright on his own." Was that actually true these days? ... Maybe not, but he liked to think so.
no subject
Date: 2024-12-31 01:45 am (UTC)He takes the jar with no judgment, sniffs at the mead for a moment, and then takes a sip and nods appreciatively. He thinks Tifa would approve, and he thinks Tifa would have suggestions for how to make it better, too.
...he misses her. But it's best that he doesn't see her again until after he's graduated and made himself better.
He frowns and looks up. "Nico was a good warden too, and he didn't want to leave, but one day he was just...gone. Yunlan says it just happens, sometimes, and nobody knows why. Not even the Admiral." Of course, that's assuming the Admiral isn't lying about it, but whatever.
Cloud's pretty sure there's something off about what Angeal's saying, but he can't quite pinpoint what it is.
"Doesn't explain why he's that upset in the first place. Look, I'm not asking for every detail, but he's been upset before and it wasn't like this. He's never been a private person except when shit was really bad, or classified. And nothing's classified anymore here. If you don't want me hunting him down to ask him, then at least tell me something."
no subject
Date: 2024-12-31 01:53 am (UTC)And if it works its way into the Barge's other alcohol stashes, that's not Angeal's business.
Angeal is pretty sure the Admiral directly causes who leaves and stays, given the invitation he got, but he doesn't say so. "Maybe. But Zack's still here." That's an assumption but one he can reasonably make. Surely someone would have noticed. Would his comm have simply stopped working? Would his room have reverted, leaving his dog to wander lost through the halls?
With his own cup in hand, Angeal sits on a different careworn bit of furniture; it's not the most comfortable ever, but it's old and it's familiar. It could have been in his home growing up. And now it was only a reminder of the family he'd lost. He swirls the drink in his glass a little, frowning. "We don't see eye to eye on a few subjects, the most recent one being Sephiroth." It's true, at least. "Zack felt I should be more concerned about myself than my friends, even ... if they don't remember me. The last time I did that it ended in violence. I don't intend to walk the same path twice."
Except he is.
no subject
Date: 2024-12-31 02:21 am (UTC)Cloud lets out a quiet breath. If Angeal says Zack is still here, then he probably is. One less thing to worry about, at least.
He sips at his mead while Angeal talks, but he pauses when Sephiroth comes up. His brow furrows at the rest. Even if they don't remember me. When Cloud had finally remembered Zack, he'd felt awful about having forgotten him. ...a story he has yet to tell Angeal despite his intentions, he recalls, but now is definitely not the time.
"Well...Zack's a warden. Yunlan and my wardens have said the same thing, about focusing on myself instead of others. But that's impossible. Can't just sit around navel gazing when someone you care about's having trouble." He thinks for a moment. "Last time...when you left Shinra, you mean? But wasn't that for Genesis? ...is something wrong with Sephiroth? He seemed fine this morning."
no subject
Date: 2024-12-31 02:42 am (UTC)Cloud was on that list of people to worry about, whether he wanted to be or not. "While I left for Genesis it was also my hope to bring him back. I didn't intend to stay AWOL for long. And then ... things got out of hand. Although every SOLDIER is equal to a platoon of normal troops, we work best in groups. And Sephiroth, Genesis and I .. there wasn't much we couldn't accomplish together." Sure they were sent on separate missions all the time, but unified? "But we let our focus on ourselves blind us. And we went our separate ways, and we died. One by one."
He drains his glass in one long swig before setting it on the old wood magazine table. "I already know what focusing on myself gets."
no subject
Date: 2024-12-31 03:18 am (UTC)His eyes stay lowered and even move away slightly. Yeah, Sephiroth died. Cloud killed him. So that's...awkward.
He looks up again at the sound of Angeal putting down his glass. "Yeah, but you and Genesis were dealing with degradation then. You're not anymore here, so focusing on yourself at least enough to graduate shouldn't lead to anything too bad. Plus, you got a warden and a bunch of friends watching your back."
He sips his mead thoughtfully. "I don't get it. If there's nothing going on with Sephiroth, what did Zack disagree with you about?"
no subject
Date: 2024-12-31 03:46 am (UTC)Regardless of the fact that it was a fantastic way to dodge his own problems by focusing on others. Like Zack's disagreement. "...What to do going forward, mostly." That's a paraphrase and a half. It seemed Cloud and Sephiroth were well on their way to mending whatever animosity had been there after Nibelheim, it's just another thing too precious to risk destroying. "Shaw's taking the standard track of suggesting apologizing for wrongdoings as an early step, but of the two onboard I'd owe that, Sephiroth doesn't remember any of it. And forcing him to simply to say I'm sorry would be..." Pointlessly vicious. "Too high a cost."
no subject
Date: 2024-12-31 04:11 am (UTC)Cloud takes in the explanation about Sephiroth, deep in thought. "Nobody can force him to. He's the only one who should get to decide whether he remembers everything or not. Not even Yunlan should be making a call like that. But...sounds like Zack thinks he should. Still doesn't explain why that was so upsetting for him, though."
Then, a pause. "Of the two onboard. Is Zack the other one?"
no subject
Date: 2024-12-31 01:57 pm (UTC)Why DID Zack retreat to silence and ignoring calls? It wasn't something as minor as that. He's surely faced people who've disagreed with him before, or outright fought with him before. "But I agree. It's Sephiroth's choice, and he doesn't want to." Torturing the good man he used to be wouldn't in any way be helpful.
So Angeal wasn't going to force it.
"As for the rest, it took a few months and cost two thirds of SOLDIER between Genesis and I." He studies Cloud, wondering how things would have gone for him if he'd tried to join at the RIGHT age and not much too early. "If he never told you about any of it, either back then or before I arrived here, that seems to be a pretty deliberate choice." Zack said nothing, even before worrying about Angeal hearing about it was an issue. "The things that happened there were not pleasant. I'm not sure I'm alright with you being able to spring it on him when he's made it clear he doesn't want you to know."
Can Cloud keep his mouth shut?
no subject
Date: 2024-12-31 02:57 pm (UTC)Cloud nods to Angeal's agreement, but then he pauses. "I think...it's less that he doesn't want to, and more that he doesn't know whether he wants to or not. I get it. When you're not sure who you are, it's hard to know what to want." He speaks with confidence, as if he knows from experience. "But - you said I came up in that argument. How?"
He gives Angeal a hard look. "Why the hell would I ever do that to Zack? And who'd go out of their way to talk about something like that to anybody? You seriously think I'd ask about the worst shit he went through when I finally get to see him again after all that time thinking I never would?" Cloud shakes his head and stares into his half-finished glass of mead. "I'm just...trying to understand. I wanna help him. I tried, back then, but I couldn't. Couldn't...keep up. And all that shit was way above my pay grade, and by the time I learned anything it was too late. We were already in Nibelheim and Sephiroth was already holed up in the basement, Zack was already at the end of his rope, and there was nothing I could do."
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Date: 2024-12-31 03:17 pm (UTC)Sephiroth's not just an echo of someone gone. "Who he is now is making his own life. His own friends. His own dreams."
Without the past. Maybe the past wasn't necessary. "Not long after we first met there was an effect here that dredged up our fears, without our interest in having them displayed." Something in Angeal's bearing shifts, from concerned towards stern. "Do you think you'd have to go out of your way to gossip for ANYTHING to get around? That aside, do I think you're the kind of man who'd see a friend in distress and then try to talk to them about it?" Yep.
He spreads his hands at his sides, expression grim. "You're here aren't you? Specifically because you're concerned about Zack? Do you believe you'd still be here if he picked up your calls, or would you have gone there instead?"
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Date: 2025-01-02 04:06 am (UTC)That stern tone in Angeal's voice makes Cloud's face fall, making him look even younger than he is for a moment. "Course I'd try to talk to him, if I could. But I wouldn't bring up anything he didn't bring up first."
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Date: 2025-01-04 02:22 pm (UTC)Remembering would take it all away, in one direction or another. He makes it sound reasonable. It isn't his problem, he's nobody's warden, he has no say in any of it.. but as a friend, he didn't want Sephiroth to suffer more. Let the crimes sit on the shoulders of the one who made them.
Maybe Wardens had a different perspective. Maybe they had to, because of their jobs. "..Of course you would. That's what you do, when you know a friend is upset."
But the problem goes back further than one argument over Sephiroth's fate. "But this ship doesn't seem much like it's interested in respecting people's privacy, from what I can tell."
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Date: 2025-01-05 06:00 am (UTC)He goes quiet, thinking through everything Angeal's said. Was it a mistake for Cloud to remember who he'd been before? Hard to say. The situations aren't quite the same, of course, but they're similar enough that he's starting to think maybe this is the right time to tell Angeal the truth about himself, after all. Who knows, maybe it would help.
Who we are is in a lot of ways dictated by our memories. It shapes what we do, how we feel. Hoo boy, does Cloud know that.
"The question of Sephiroth's memories...what you're saying. I get it. Better than you think." He sits up straight again and pulls his feet up onto the cushion, wrapping his arms loosely around his knees. "I told you the story of what happened to me and Zack, back then, and what Sephiroth did in Nibelheim. But...there was more to it. You saw a piece of it, that...nightmare. Think this might be the time to tell you the rest, if you're up for it."
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